spawn of satan

one of the 5 cats puked in front of my room. never will I even think that it was my beloved cat max. I just got home from working all day I asked father to clean it up.
father refused as usual. and i being as spiteful as I am..
cleaned it up by putting it in a napkin and then placing it in front of his door.
take that.
I hope if I ever have children they don't take after me.
what a dick move....
shit.

for Sam

shine1
verb, shone or, esp. for 9, 17, shined; shin·ing; noun

–verb (used without object)

1.	to give forth or glow with light; shed or cast light.

2.	to be bright with reflected light; glisten; sparkle.

3.	(of light) to appear brightly or strongly, esp. uncomfortably so: Wear dark glasses so the sun won't shine in your eyes.

4.	to be or appear unusually animated or bright, as the eyes or face.

5.	to appear with brightness or clearness, as feelings.

6.	to excel or be conspicuous: to shine in school.

–verb (used with object)

7.	to cause to shine.

8.	to direct the light of (a lamp, mirror, etc.): Shine the flashlight on the steps so I can see.

9.	to put a gloss or polish on; polish (as shoes, silverware, etc.).

–noun

10.	radiance or brightness caused by emitted or reflected light.

11.	luster; polish.

12.	sunshine; fair weather.

13.	a polish or gloss given to shoes.

14.	an act or instance of polishing shoes.

15.	Informal. a foolish prank; caper.

16.	Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. a black person.

—Verb phrase

17.	shine up to, Informal. a. to attempt to impress (a person), esp. in order to gain benefits for oneself. b. to become especially attentive to (one of the opposite sex): Men shine up to her like moths to a light.

—Idioms

18.	come rain or shine, a. regardless of the weather. b. no matter what the circumstances may be: Come rain or shine, he is always on the job. Also, rain or shine.

19.	take a shine to, Informal. to take a liking or fancy to: That little girl has really taken a shine to you.

---

[Origin: bef. 900; ME s(c)hinen (v.), OE scīnan; c. D schijnen, G scheinen, ON skīna, Goth skeinan]

—Synonyms 1. glimmer, shimmer. Shine, beam, glare refer to the emitting or reflecting of light. Shine refers to a steady glowing or reflecting of light: to shine in the sun. That which beams gives forth a radiant or bright light: to beam like a star. Glare refers to the shining of a light that is not only bright but so strong as to be unpleasant and dazzling: to glare like a headlight. 9. buff, burnish, brighten. 11. gloss, gleam, glow, sheen.

tingle tangle tee

confusion squishes me. it blots out my clear view. makes me silly. my silliness shines..my hatred for you makes me dizzy.
I swirl. swimming in swirling booze. delicious.
I'm caught up..up high on a clothing line..dangeling...thinking...memorizing..remembering.
things seem to hit me when I don't expect them. They pour out of my unconscious mind into my dreams and i wake up fearing them.
I don't fear you.
I would do bad good things to you.
dizzy me up..
amazing things happen when your back is turned. don't trust me, i wont trust you..push me as far down as you possibly can. as far down as the soaking dirt will allow and I'll jump back up and surprise you.
It's magical down here in this belly of sand. and although I'm sinking part of me is rising. my heart is beating. I can hear you. I can hear the silence.
Silence scares me. It makes me antsy. I jitter and jive in my seat of silence.
but it moves me...it progresses. it makes me be better..want to be better. want to be greater. to shine so bright in the moonlight. to be the moon and the stars and sun and give it all to you.
give myself all to you.

life, death, and everything in between

I've been thinking really crazy things about life lately.
I feel as though recent events have totally brought this on.
It's nuts how one minute you're here and the next you're not. You can be breathing, living, loving, and then its gone. Sometimes theres no room or time for goodbyes. It just hits you and vibrates out to the people you love. Theres that instant after effect. That gasp, that delusion...is it true? they aren't really gone..are they?
and then the worst part..life goes on.
you're not here and now its done and nothing stands still. people remember you. they'll never forget you. especially those closest to you...but they're still moving. wishing you were next to them. wanting you there for all those special memories..a crazy party, a birthday, a wedding, a birth, a bike ride. but your not at least not physically. but always in their hearts and minds.
It just really hits home. and it reminds us all to let those we care for and that care for us know we love and appreciate every moment we spend with them.

My best friends friend just passed abruptly, it's terrible. I feel for everyone who knew him better than I did.
RIP.

http://timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=693289&category=ALBANY&BCCode=&newsdate=6/6/2008

http://www.legacy.com/TimesUnion-Albany/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=111035347

nap turned slumber

I wanted to nap for an hour. only until 930..that turned into 2:54 am.
must have been tired. sad thing is...getting tired again.
man I must need sleep.

check 2 1 2

The other day I stopped to visit trisha and get coffees for dez harm and myself. when coming to hang and give them their treats I stumbled upon the movie they were watching.
While dez searched the web for shoes and harm played his ds I got absorbed by this movie. I couldn't move. I hate entering movies late and not knowing whats going on but I caught on pretty quick.
The Title is "Le Vie en Rose" which is about Edith Pilaf and her life and how it came to be. It's completely in French since she after all was French and a French singer. Although they weren't fully watching the movie they'd glance up and we'd talk about what was going on. How crazy she was yet how beautiful. The actress who played her one an award for her performance and looked so much like her in the movie it was crazy. The movie is constantly not in present day. It flashes from present to past always and gives you glimpse of different times and days. In the end it all makes sense of why this is going on. This movie really made me appreciate Edith Pilaf her voice is absolutely amazing. If you're into foreign films I definitely recommend renting this movie. You wont be let down.
Since I've been sick lately and trying to get over it I actually ended up watching two more movies that night since I finally had time to watch my netflix.
First on the list was Happiness.
I attempted to watch this movie a few times before but for some reason kept falling asleep during it so I figured why the hell not get it on Netflix, which was definitely a good idea because it was an amazingly intense engrossingly funny and awkward movie.
This movie is twisted and yet gets to the core of some real life shit. Hoffman gets real creepy in it and I love it. He does an amazing job of course. Theres definitely a sexual tone to the entire movie. Whether it be Trish's son trying to cum and talking to his dad in extremely awkward conversations on how to masturbate, or Hoffman calling up random women in the phone book and telling them he's going to make them cum from their ears while jerking off this movie shows I think some true aspects of peoples sexual and normal relations with those around them. The title definitely suits the movie. Its as though through out it people are just trying to do them and live their lives and maybe eventually find happiness. Even if it is being able to masturbate and make yourself cum at 12. It's a great movie and if you love awkwardness thats comical I recommend it for sure.
The next movie I decided to watch even though it was getting really late was Hard Candy.
When I first added this movie to my list on Netflix it was an accident. I was trying to add this movie that Heath Ledger was in about Heroin but then I read what this film was about and decided it'd be interesting so I mise well keep it and I'm happy I did.
It's a thriller for sure but not the kind where theres blood and guts but there are a few times where you'll definitely jump. Ellen Page does an amazing job and they make her up to be really really young and innocent but you find out something much much different when the movie gets going. If you don't know what it's about I'll give a quick summary. Basically this girl is a teenager, 14, I believe and she starts chatting with this man whose in his 30s online in a chat room. She asks him to meet and they do at a coffee shop. From there they go to his place where things get intense. Of course at this point the viewer is thinking this man in a molester or a killer or at least has alternative motives besides hanging out. After all, what kind of 30something man meets with a 14 year old girl? But as the movies unravel you see who really has the alternative plans and it gets crazy. The ending was brilliant. It's set up so you think one thing is going to happen and a split second after it does you realize that its not what was going to happen after all. It was awesome and it kept me up until 3 in the morning.
Theres my movie update. I'll have more soon.

Sex and The City vs. Rocky Horror Picture Show

The other day on the radio my father was telling me there was a girl who said she had sex at like 13 or 14 because she thought it was ok from watching Sex and The City. I hate when people blame their actions on media. Of course...media DOES influence us and our tastes..but really.
When I was 7 my crazy drug addict aunt (shes clean now btw) was supposed to be watching me...so what she did was put on Rocky Horror Picture show in the family and left to do who knows what. I sat there..watching this Transsexual man whom I could've sworn I've seen play other none men that looked like ladies...create a muscle man...take advantage of Janet then take advantage of Brad and in the end have a huge orgy in the pool. Did this make me want to start dressing of the opposite sex? no. Did this make me want to go and have sex? hell no I didn't even understand it when I watched it. Did this make me think it was ok to act as these crazy amazing characters acted...once again..no.
My friends and cousins have been playing violent video games since the beginning of time..well since they've been around anyways. These things never made any of them go and shoot up the school or kill their parents or think it was ok to steal etc.
We always scapegoat.
Sometimes when certain people see or play certain things it does put things in their minds. BUT parents are supposed to monitor their children. Help them. Watch them. Make sure they're not killing people or having sex in the car outside. Shouldn't we ourselves take some responsibility for our actions and perhaps shouldn't the parents of children who do terrible acts take some responsibility as well?
Now...kids today have sex at like 12..that girl saying it was Sex and The Cities fault is nutso. Damn just admit it...you wanted to do it.