Goodbyes.

Sadaam Hussen is sentenced to death by hanging within 30 days. My cousin is told he ships out to Kuwait Jan. 2nd. Then he recieves a call yesterday afternoon saying that he was to report to base tonight and be ready to leave late night/early morning. Ironic? He says they're just gonna wait in Kuwait..well he hopes they will just have to wait in Kuwait this time because last time they had to transfer to Iraq...I hope its just waiting this time too.
The goodbyes I say to my cousin are probably the hardest and realest kind of goodbye I have ever and will ever say in my life. They're sincere tear-worthy goodbyes. They're not I'll see you later goodbyes, or I'll see you when you come home from college goodbyes, they're I don't know if I'll see you again goodbyes, and thats the scariest thing in the world;that they may actually be real goodbyes. I can't imagine today being my last goodbye..and I hope it won't be and as much as you know it won't be there's a little voice in the back of your head saying it might be. Even if this is the third time I've had to say goodbye to him over the war..it won't be the last and no matter how many times he comes back okay you still have that secret little question..what if? God forbid if that actually happens..if they actually become my last goodbye to him, it won't be good enough. If I were to make them how I really see them happening in my head, if I don't contain myself, tell myself it'll be fine, I'd start crying and who knows when I'd stop. They're I love you goodbyes, and I'll miss you goodbyes. They're be careful...really careful goodbyes and be safe goodbyes. They're worried, scared, sad, love filled, and hopeful goodbyes.
In person with him..I'd never cry. I'd hold them back until I left the room and he couldn't see me and thats what I did, thats what I always do.