Somethings got to give...

I'm always super aggro on Christmas Eve for some reason, it really never fails. Maybe today in particular, it's because I happened to wake up sick and achey, which is the worst. Then my aunts annoying, ignorant boyfriend wouldn't shut the hell up so I tried to avoid him..and in doing so I ended up in the other room with my brother watching TV..I guess it wasn't that bad really. I did hang out with the family for at least a little bit.
Tony and I exchanged presents today too. It was good. Except, he took the bunt of all my feelings, believe me he heard everything. And after being a huge girl for a while I felt a little better and we cleaned my turtles tank. Lets just say if turtles could smile...Nebulas is lighting up the room...radiating really.
Also, I'm super excited for Christmas day...actually it is Christmas day so..Merry Christmas.
I guess...now I'm just looking forward to hanging with my cousin Brian all day. He just got back from Iraq and he has to go back the second week in Jan. It's nerve racking really. I mean, I grew up with him. My aunt, his mom, would watch me when I was little and in the summer as I grew up. So we've always been really close and just seeing him sometimes I think about stuff ya know? Like how he was before his first trip to Iraq and how he is now after being there twice. I mean, don't get me wrong he's done such great things. He's been promoted to sgt. he's gotten a bronze star and he's only 22 years old. However, I know this is going to sound cliche but...theres something different in his eyes and he definitely has changed, which is more or less expected. He's more quite. He's more numb. He's more grown up. He's more...well, militant. And as good as this is because he's found a direction in life it's sad too. He always has been and always will be an amazing person. I mean just look at what he's doing with his life, he's one of the bravest...if not the bravest person I know. I'm just afraid that the things he's seen will shape him into a new person whose not as kind and as fun. I doubt this will truly happen but it's kind of scary. It's always terrifying to know he has to go back again the second week in Jan. He just got back..this lead me to ask: how many times will he have to go there? How many times will his life be in danger? How many times does he have to see the terrifying things he's seen? I need to not think about that and I need to be positive, and I'm trying. I'm proud of him, I truly am. It just gets to me sometimes, but its going to be great seeing him all day tomorrow.
Yet, as excited as I am about all that theres something just not right. I don't know what it is. I'm sick of this place I guess. I need to get outta here. I can't wait to finish applying to all my schools and hear back from them. I can't wait to move away...at least for a little while. I love my friends and I love my family but seriously...somethings got to give. I need a change in pace. I feel out of step.
Oh and..once again...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!