One is Silver and the Others Gold

I look at old pictures. Then I look at new.
I ask myself "what am I doing with my life"
think for a second.
and then respond "amazing things Lindsey...amazing things"

two drops two pounds two drops I'm too sick

it's creepy. i love it. watch it more than once..you'll love it too.
watch..you'll be quoting it for dayz.


I just cleaned so much but feel like I've gotten no where. 3 bags of clothes I just packed to get rid of...3 fucking bags. thats ridiculous.
as my mom would say "thats a sin"

Home Sweet Home

I swallowed my septum ring. In my sleep.
road bike. sun. wd40. starbucks. le vie en rose. Sam Adams Summer Ale.
blued eye boy meets brown eyed girl...the sweetest thing?

This is who I am...

And I'm not sorry.
Stop. Look around you. Don't cross the street you may get hit by one of the yellow ones...they don't stop. Frustration bores me but I let it conquer me. I'm young, and I love to be young. Why be upset when you can be happy?
Quit frustrating me. Don't judge me. I don't judge you. Who are you to say whats wrong whats right? Take a minute. Look in the mirror. Maybe you'll quit pointing your finger at others and start seeing the reflection of you. You're not perfect. You don't know me. Don't judge me.
Don't judge my friends. This is my life and I'm not sorry. I live. I make mistakes. I fight. I survive. I'm a seasoned fighter. Leave it be. Leave me be.
I've been swallowed whole and I'm happy to be here in this belly. I don't need your judgements. If I really thought you're judgements mattered don't you think I'd reflect on them for a minute? Why don't you quit looking me and everyone I'm with up and down and start maybe doing some self reflecting?! Theres a start. Get over the drama you've created in your head. Or better yet be a better person and get over things that happened in the past. Move on. Grow up.
Don't do this, do do that. Get outta here with you're shit. Step aside as TFM would say.
Let me live man. Live and let live. Back off. Get a brain. Grow a brain.

New Yark

It's been awhile.
My first year at F.I.T is ending and its been amazing.
I'm stoked to go home but this city has swallowed me whole and I love it.
New York..you will be missed..I'll be back soon.

vacancy sign

I'm good at putting names and faces to feelings. It's such a good way to distract yourself. all you have to do is take whatever it is you're feeling and then tell yourself well I'm feeling this way because of so and so even if its no where near the truth..it'll distract you from the truth. I find I dont ever know the truths myself. I'm so busy distracting myself I forget the real reasons. Isn't that sad? That we hide from our own truths? I feel as though as humans we search for the truth. We lie and then we search for the truth and then we grow and we teach ourselves to be honest people and to tell those we care about the truth. Honesty is by all means the best policy right? Well if this is the case why do we spend so much time lying to ourselves? I mean we're all just little dots floating around this surface searching for one thing or another...searching for truth. Truth in who we are, truth in who your friends are, truth in what everything is all about. But then we cover it up. We cover up ourselves. We're honest..but only as honest as politeness will allow us to be. We're not honest. We're honest to peoples ears..as in we say what we are thinking or perhaps what we are thinking they want us to think but then if we see a glimpse of distaste in their eyes we change our tune and search out the new truths they want to hear. I know this makes no sense.
I have truths..but I hide from them I distract myself from them. I keep them deep inside where they're easily covered up with daily tasks and noise. For if I were to sit alone in silence for too long these truths, these real reasons may start bubbling up and then where will that leave me? In a state of confusion, hatred, sadness, self loathing, self loving, who fucking knows. I dont...because I dont let them bubble up and the minutes I realize they may start being unearthed I change the topic not just to others but to myself as well. I've always thought I've been the kind of person who answers questions ya know. The open kind of person who will tell you what I'm thinking but I've slowly started to realize I dont talk. I wont tell you how I'm feeling or whats wrong because I wont even tell myself.
So if I can put your name and your face to my emotion it'll distract me from my truth. It'll cover the real feeling up with a face that may not even pertain to it..and then I'll smile make a small joke and change the topic before I have to feel something else for too long that is to close to real and true.

Long Time No Blog

WOW it has been way too long since I've written in this I'm really going to try to start writing more. The semesters already almost over and it flew by..and I have so much work. But surprisingly I'm not stressing. Sometimes I feel like I should be stressing more than I am though and once I start thinking I start panicking so I try to avoid the whole thing in general.
I'm wondering if I was born in the wrong era. Does that sound weird? It probably does doesn't it? I just really think living in the 50s would've been rad 50s on. I watch documentaries and I'm just like damn..how fun. Even being a kid in the 50s and 60s seems like it was much more fun because you made your own fun. You actually went outside and played you weren't a zombie in front of a television screen which to me seems amazing. Obviously always have grown up with technology it's hard to imagine what it's like to truly escape from it. But, I think it would stellar. And the clothes and the life style damn I would love it. Also the 20s! god damn it how Id love to be a flapper..and I most definitely would've been. Or in the 50s be the first girl to wear pants to school...how classic is that thought even? It being a big deal to wear pants! And all the culture and life going on during those times. All the movements and activism fuck man it would be awesome.
I wonder if people in the future will look back and say damn I would've loved to have been born in the 80s and 90s and come up in that time. I'm sure people will but theres no way its as exciting as the 50s and 60s. I mean it has its fabulous aspects and what not...MTV xbox etc but all these things are technology...and I really want to live without it...just once. I'm sure by then..by my grandchildren's time our technology will be nothing...then again by then there may not be anymore blogging etc because of big brother..who knows. But i just want to be classic ya know? Classic beauty. To be a classic would be amazing..to be a classic legend..even better.