It's raining, It's pouring..

Today has been filled with rain. Thats ok, except now I'm bored.
With motivation from a friend I decided to organize my iTunes. I had no idea how hard this would be or how time consuming. I have 112 genres, no clue how thats possible, but I'm trying to limit it down to about 5. Along with organizing comes trying to fill in all the blanks. Meaning, the songs with blank albums and blank genres. I also plan on getting all the album art. I'm still on A...
This is going to take forever. I'm googling a ton. But now after about an hour maybe an hour and a half and figuring out how to add the album art to all the songs etc (I'm an iTunes moron) I'm bored out of my mind and sick of iTunes. It's almost as bad as putting my clothes away..but I might just go do that.
Lesson Learned: stay organized.
I've been saying this for years...or well ever since I became less organized that I need to get back on top of it. I need to become the clean freak I once was. I mean I'm organized..but in a messy way if that makes any sense. I need to become more on top of my organization. But, for real this time.
Also, I wish it were nice out.

phone call

A few weeks ago while I was working on a final project my stomach dropped. I started getting really nervous, worried, upset, etc. I was thinking about my cousin. I got so worked up I started crying. Not screaming crying or anything but a silent cry. Maybe these feelings etc were sympathy pains..I don't know. Then the phone rings and I literally stopped. I stopped thinking and feeling and just stared at the phone. I didn't know the number on the ID and this made my stomach drop for a quick second then I just kept staring. I tried to listen..listen to my dads voice, straining to hear the conversation. Did he sound happy? Was he upset? Who was on the phone? I had this gut wrenching feeling it was related to my cousin. I never give a shit who calls but this time I just knew.
A few minutes later he came out back and upstairs to talk to me. He walked in and I just stared.. "that was uncle steve" (brians dad) "he was calling to say Brians fine. He heard from him a few days ago" My heart sunk as my mind filled with questions and my dad filled me in.
Apparently, they had been attacked. His squad or whatever. I guess it was all over the news. I see that shit all the time and since I'm not sure exactly what platoon he's in I just skim the list of names of soldiers unaccounted for searching for our last name Myers. If I don't see it I try to ignore what the reporters saying. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know anymore..
I'm glad he's ok. But, I cant help but be so mad at him. I hate going weeks, months even without hearing from him. I hate that he's there. I hate that he signed up for the Army 3 years ago knowing there was a war. I hate the things he has seen. I hate the poverty, the death surrounding him. I hate when he leaves and I hate seeing his eyes when he comes home. I hate crying. I hate that he's not living the normal life of a normal 23 year old. Most of all, I hate myself for hating all these things.
I just want him back. I want to dig deep within him, find the old him, and pull him out. Resurface him. But, it'll never happen. He can never go back to the normal 20 year old he was when he left. He's forever changed.
I know I rant about this sometimes. But people don't get it. We live our day to day lives sometimes forgetting a war is even going on. We don't care. It's not effecting us. And I feel fucking TERRIBLE for forgetting him. Forgetting that he's over there dealing with this...that he's not home or in school or at work. It's not like I forgot completely, I always know he's not home but sometimes I feel like I do'nt care enough. I never want to be so consumed in myself and my life to forget he's there. It's not a present thing to most people. It doesn't effect most peopls day to day life and it shouldn't. It shouludn't effect my day to day life either or paralyze me..that's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is I don't ever want to feel that stomach drop I felt a few weeks ago. I don't ever want to so casually realize after weeks of not talking to him..hmm weird I haven't heard from Brian.
I never want that phone call. That bad phone call. I never want it.

overactive mind not enough moving around

I've been sitting here, on my bed, in a robe (yes a winter robe even though its 73 degree outside) staring blankly at my computer screen. I have no idea why. I have no idea what I'm thinking.
Maybe I'm thinking about how I need to get up and be fucking productive. Or maybe I'm thinking about the weirdos that come in and out of Miss Albany Diner every week that I force myself to interact with. Honestly, I think those weridos were the highlight of my day. I haven't done shit. I woke up, showered, went to work, read and waited on half weirdos half businessmen..dunno whats worse, got smelly, came home showered, and then sat. I've been sitting since 3 something. I think I REALLY want to say something..but don't know how to say it. Don't even really know what it is. It's like I have this idea, this feeling, and its there, its present, but I can't catch it. It's floating around and I cant grab ahold of it. Maybe it's because of a numbness. Maybe I'm numbed by whatever it is. Does this make sense? Am I ranting? Most likely no sense is being made and I'm ranting rapidly. Shit is going through my brain rapidly that's what it is. It's flying and I have no idea what it even is. I'm distracting myself. I always distract myself. I'm damn good at getting distracted.

Timing..

is everything and I hate it.

I cry for polar bears..

No really, I do.
For some reason the movie "An Inconvenient Truth" made me teary-eyed. Not every single second of the movie but there were parts where I was like wow this is crazy. Global warming is not something new to me. I've known about it, I semi-care about it, and thats why I'm in a class dedicated to it. For me my energy in the environment class was the last thing I wanted to take. I do care about the environment and I do care about being green..however I hate science. From all the classes I could have chosen this one seemed like, and this is not to demote the class, the easiest. I guess it was also the easiest one to relate to and care about because it's going on here and now.
I had to watch this movie for class. I didn't really care much to see it but now that I have, I recommend it to everyone. It's a real eye opener. I mean we hear about global warming everyday. We have also come to see the effects of it close up and personal, so to speak. It's something not many of us concern ourselves with but something that is of great importance. I believe that people, Americans in general, are very preoccupied with the here and now, including myself. If it's not happening today, tomorrow, or somewhere in the near future we don't care about it. Really, that needs to change. People need to be willing to change their lifestyles to save the lives of others. And really, in the long run, or perhaps sooner than you think, whole species will be going extinct due to global warming. In my life time I will see the horrible effects from global warming and perhaps even in my parents life time. It's scary.
When I have kids, they may never be able to see what a real polar bear looks like, even if it is in a cage in a zoo. They won't know how massive the creature was or how amazing. It'll be a thing in the past.
I know people think well the earth goes through these changes, we have ice ages, it's normal. Sure, it's normal but not at such a rapid rate. And, personally, I'm embarassed of myself and Americans when it comes to this. Every advanced country except for the US and Austrilia are on top of their emissions and are making effort to make a change. And, out of all the countries IN THE WORLD, including that of China and India, whose populations more than doubles ours, release less pollutants. We have cause 30.7% of the global warming that is occuring on Earth. It's terrible. We, my generation, as the new CEOs, the new Presidents, the new Soldiers, the new adults..need to really start paying attention to this topic. It's a global effort and we need to join in.
Watch the movie..you'll understand!